The news came as a complete shock.
I finally experienced what I learned in the psychiatry, acute stress reaction; "dazed", palpitation, chest heaviness, tremor and a bit confused, all these reactions to traumatic stress; which i never felt before.
I would not say that I knew you so well till like we are best of buddies, but certainly our short 2 years friendship was more than enough for me to know you and now, to miss you.
We first met in UKEC, as acquaintance. After that, Kalsom 13 as rakan seperjuangan, and kaki bola.
Its an honour working with you, and knowing you.
I will miss the way you work.
I have nothing short of sheer admiration for your articulation and your confidence in steering your opinions of how certain things should be done in certain ways.
I like your pragmatic approaches, your very thoughtful decisions and your overflowing energy in your plans and how you will somehow turn them into actions.
After we are done with everything, I am so impressed with your micro-detail analysis, your concrete suggestions for the future and your generosity in compliments to the deserving
Above all, you are very ambitious in your future, your beliefs and your ideas.
I thought you will be someone, someone important and someone that make a difference.
I told you in a lot of occasions, but you always said the same same sentence:
"Nolar Ang, I lack of so many qualities to make it there"
And me saying
"Come-on, you have more than enough to make you there. We cant be perfect."
You always said to me that I am more than what I think of myself.
I just want to say; You too.
But I guessed, there are always somethings that just cant happened for some reasons.
Very rarely, I meet someone of our age, who have this kind and level of love and responsibility to our country.
Even more rarely, I meet someone I could share my ideas, not embarrass and hold back.
I regretted when I didn't answer your question about certain things you asked about myself.
I should have told you.
Markus, I think what brought us closer, is the similarities we had in certain things, especially Football.
My days in KL with you apart from ukec, kalsom, were always football.
Your white little kancil, and sometimes your dad's old mercedes, served us well, in so many games we played in KL, remember the asputra in sunway, the umno friends in pj and ur kdu friends in du.
and I will still smilling at one of my many comments in Kalsom; 5 of adik2's team ran past all of us the faci team, and I shouted,
"No worries, we got Markus."
and you alone with your one man defensive ability, they cant score. Remember how the adik2 insisted on having abang markus in their team, in the last day, when we all facis woke up like 10am.
Our last few conversations were emails. Didnt get to speak to you a lot.
Thanks for your many emails, many stories about many things. Really enjoyed it.
Thanks for the birthday present. You said it reminded you of me. Hehe.
Thanks for everything you done for me, and for everyone around you. A lot indeed.
I should stop writing now. I think.
A lot of people will miss you.
I will miss you.
and I shall end with one of the many comments you said:
"so true. also its because malaysians like us allow this to happen. the leaders almost always reflect the attitudes of the people. malaysians still make decisions colour first. best example is choice of school.
and just recently, i was a bit upset with a pastor who outwardly asked the church to pray for "more chinese representation in the parliament". i asked him why can't we pray for more good leaders in parliament, irregardless of race? can't someone defend the rights and interests of others who are not of their race/religion? why must be chinese.. and he was a doctor by training summo. supposedly colour blind..
pastor doctor. what more the average person"
Good bye my friend.