Thursday, January 21, 2010

0.5


I thought I should elaborate more on the 0.5.

If you ask me to name one most important thing I learnt over the four and half or so years of medical school, it would be the term - Pseudo.

Pseudo is simply the most important diction in our human life.

Pseudo defines us. and who are we.

My great great grand father's neighbours dog's ex bitch's great grand auntie's distant cousin's cat's vet's gold fish ex owner, with the name Descartes once said "Cogito ergo sum" .

We think, therefore we are, what we think we are.

We are pseudoing who we that we think we are.

Pseudo is defined by my Kamus Kantin as macam. Or in english; Something like.

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Side story 1:
(Hahaha, imagining myself giving this explanation to a group of keen students of School of Ang's Philosophy (you! yes you all! the loser readers of my notes..hahaha) )

In a 86000 seaters fully-packed stadium turn into a lecture hall...

Ang: Now, what is pseudo?

Students: We dont know, wise one. Pls tell us. Enlighten us.

Ang: Well, pseudo means something like...

Students: What?

Ang: Something like.

Students: Err..something like wat, wise one pls?

anyway, enough of this vaginal atrophy joke. its a bit dry i know but i cant help nor emphatise ya..

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So, what's this Pseudo and 0.5?

Well, if you are attached as clearly n proudly depicted on facebook as "In a relationship" - then both party, you and your attached, by definition scored 1.0 each.

If you are "Complicated", "Single", or didnt put up your status, then chances are, you have at least 0.5. Or a pseudogirlfriend, or boyfriend.

Means you only do the 0.5 work or shoulder the 0.5 burden.

Probably sharing good news, sharing goods, and seldom (preferably, hopefully) sharing sad news. But still, it is not 1.0 work. Careful, beware, look out - because if you step over the border to do the 1.0, then you scored 1.0. No turning back you see. After that would be 0.0

Note well that I choose the words - "shoulder the burden".

You might stil get the 1.0 remuneration. Actually, this inequality should be appreciated as one of the probably most ununderstandable equation ever - 0.5 to go out, 1.0 to come back.

Ya, something like our politicians-linked companies' business model.

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Side story 2:

I coined the term pseudo-girlfriend when I was doing acute medicine rotation. One of the patients in the ward had no bowel sound on auscultation, even after 30s wait, and the consultant asked me:

Cons: What do u think Choon?

Ang: Err..obstruction?

Cons: Nope. Obstruction classically gives u tinkling bowel sound. what is something like obstruction?

Ang: Err... (muka BS (low+low) = blow and slow) something like obstruction?

Cons: Ya thats rite. Pseudo. Well done.

Pseudo. Eureka! Ya.

Pseudo eureka. Soemthing like eureka.

Is this side dish dryer than fried bak kua?

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Anyway, what does 0.5 ,or pseudo got to do with 1.5?

Contrary to what one of my reader who suggested transvertite as 0.5, now that's a very big misconception of the values of the integers used here.

Essentially, transvertite boyfriend is still a 1.0.

And ohya, to another reader, 0.75 doesnt exist yet, at least under the current Theory 1.5.

A 0.5 would be a girl who is a pseudo gf.

So, if you got a gf, u win yourself a score of 1.0, is not an optimum score to keep you alive, as happily as if you got 1.5.

As my fellow learnt friends and machas can deduce, if there are only 0.5 or 1.0 scores to choose from, the it could be a few permutations to get 1.5?- no, actually just 2.

If you have 1.0 + 0.5 = that would be perfecto.

If you have 0.5 + 0.5 + 0.5 = that would be less than perfect but still able to do it. The science behind this 3 pseudos would be it is practically impossible for you to have 3 pseudos in the same ring of friends, meaning when one of your pseudo has got something on, and cant attend to you, there's another two 0.5s from hell know where across towns, that can fill in the vacuum. How wonderful.

Warnings i must give. 2.0 would be too much of a trouble.

It is eventually an ethical and moral issue to have so many 0.5s. As our Law Minister put it, although it might not be morally sound, but nevertheless, legally acceptable.

As much as many guys that you think who are not usually 1.0 with his 1.0, trust me there will be as many as that in the opposite sex.

Even a 1.0 girl can afford to be a 0.5 to another guy, because the limit of that number is not 1.0.

More importantly;
Please do not give me serious comment because I am really joking here. And none of above is true. Descartes never had a gold fish.

4 comments:

pp said...

not funny..buu..
stardy la..

ihsan_huhu said...

uhh.. i only pseudounderstand this post.

vanguard said...

i took u stayed there too long d la..lack hokkien mee and char koay teow is it..
or ur having a lack of love ?
haha...

Sherzamm said...

i can't believe i wasted 2 minutes of my life reading this thinking you were going somewhere with your 'theory'

I'm not pseudo pissed.
I'm pissed!